A prediction: things will stay exactly the same, as usual

I know it's still quite a way off, but I was reading up on the metaphysical theories surrounding the year 2012. Apparently, in his book 2012: The Return of Quetzalcoatl, Daniel Pinchbeck believes that there will be a 'global awakening' to 'psychic connection', creating a noosphere. A noosphere was explained by Teilhard de Chardin as a collective consciousness of human beings. As we're becoming more organised in social networks, the noosphere will grow until we're all connected in our minds.

Some of you might find this idea terrifying. Imagine if everyone on earth (and by then it'll be 7 billion people according to the US Census Bureau) knew exactly what you were thinking. That'd scare the pants off me! Others may find this really cool, because perhaps this will lead us to a higher plane of existence, a superior emotional depth, an age of peace, maybe even a physical and emotional utopia. Or, of course, we might all get superpowers.

But do you want to know what I think? You're reading this article, so I imagine you do. I think this event will be insignificant to everybody except Mark Zuckerberg. Because when I read the words "social network" and "collective consciousness" I thought of only one explanation; 2012 will be the year that every person on earth is a member of Facebook.

Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against Facebook. In fact, I love it, and when I'm at home and not doing other things, chances are I'll be on it. I even have it open in the background while I do other things, because that's how great it is. But even I would find it an anti-climax if my noosphere theory is right, and I have a feeling it is. Ancient predictions have a habit of being prematurely hyped up. I imagine most of you still remember back in early 1997, when Nostradamus predicted the world would end. I was frightened all day about that, given I was only 9 and very imaginative, and all that happened was that some of my fish fingers were a little crispier than I would've liked.

So let me provide my own, modern ideas of some popular theories surrounding 2012. For starters, the big one; the completion of the thirteenth B'ak'tun cycle of the Mayan calendar. People have been wetting themselves for years over what's going to happen, so allow me to put my own idea forward: the fourteenth B'ak'tun cycle will begin. Not very frightening, is it? Not very interesting, either. Michael Drosnin, author of The Bible Code, thinks an asteroid will hit the earth, having "deciphered" the Bible. Forgive me for being slightly closed-minded, but you could predict anything by picking random letters from the Bible. I could read through Genesis and discover that, according to some re-arranged letters, I'm having a sandwich for lunch tomorrow. Again, not the most intense theory in the world, is it?

And there resides the problem. We live in an age where Hollywood has embedded itself into our perceptions, and as such, we crave excitement and danger. Life would be tremendously boring if we spent our days in safety, rather than constant mortal peril. We eat these theories up, and when they don't come true it doesn't matter, because there are loads of others that could come true! That's why there are forty+ theories on when the second coming of Jesus is supposed to occur. Once one date has passed without the bearded magician popping up out of thin air with a party jug of water, another date is predicted just a few weeks or months later. There are a few speculators, me included, but they are drowned out by the innumerable amount of people that assure us he is going to come back "at some point". We don't even know if he really existed yet, so one step at a time folks!

Sadly, until we all decide life's too exciting and begin ignoring the word 'terrorist', watching films about a short man falling over and getting a full grasp on reality, our world will be abound with these ludicrous theories until one actually becomes true. In the mean time, I'll see you on Facebook. All of you.

Until next time, my collectively unconscious readers... salut!