In reverie: the lull between eras

I'm not in the best mood right now, it has to be said. I'm not entirely sure why, maybe it's the mixture of music, boredom, inactivity and reminiscence. These past few days I've been feeling very trapped, as though I've unlocked a new door into life but haven't the strength to open it, and even when I do manage to lock my fist around the knob and turn it, my feet are set in place and I can't move forwards. A part of me blames my dire financial situation, the rest just stares about, forlorn and confused.

Finishing University seems to have taken its toll, finally; those that have long finished University always describe it as "the greatest experience you'll ever have", which doesn't bode well considering it's just come to an end for me. Does this mean my life's going to go downhill from here? Was University my one last flourish of true freedom before my education ends and my real (and apparently lesser) life begins? No, not in the slightest; I have many wonderful things to experience that far outweigh the simplistic frivolities University offers, that seem to reach no further than drinking, throwing up, forgetting everything and making as many mistakes in a single night as possible.

I've got marriage to look forward to; having children; doing at least one of my two dream jobs. I think my problem extends to the fact that, though I may have finished, the vast majority of my friends haven't and, as such, they can continue to enjoy their lack of responsibility and keep appreciating the simple things whilst I have to, contradictory of my personality though it is, grow up. I mean, my girfriend, the girl I intend to eventually marry and spend the rest of my life with, has only just started University. Tonight she was out all night with her friends, getting ridiculously drunk and having an all-round good time, whereas I was sat in my Dad's quiet living room, in the quiet village, having a nice quiet beer and a marginally quiet chat about all sorts of things. Was I jealous? Very. Was I angry? A little, yes, though not at her; more, I was angry at how I don't get to do that anymore.

For me, the next few months of my life will be spent working somewhere like Tesco, patiently labouring, waiting for the long months to pass until I get to begin teacher training, or touring the country with my acoustic, or possibly even travelling to all the places in the world I said I'd visit as a student and never did. I'm not ready to grow up yet, not by a long shot, I've still got so many things I want to do. But, even though I'm still very young, it feels like I have no time to do any of these things now. The ending of an era has a strange way of making one feel like all the opportunities that said era had to offer, even though they're still available now, have been lost; I now feel like I have no choice but to move on, put aside all the dreams I had in the "to not be touched" box in my memory, along with all things I should've said to some people, activities I meant to partake in but never got round to and ideas I wanted to test while I still had the chance.

No doubt I'll feel better in the morning, I always do. But I think for the next few weeks I'll continue to be lodged in this odd frame of mind, as I spend my time trying to find (and then perform) a job and unpacking the last three years of my life into my tiny bedroom back home, because for the next few weeks, or even months, I don't think I'll have anything to really look forward to, because this is the quiet lull in chapter transitions when nothing really happens; this is the part of the novel where the character has experienced one major event in their life and is getting back to normal before the next one suddenly hits him/her.

It's depressing to say goodbye to such an amazing experience as University, but only because there's such a long wait until the next amazing experience comes along. And until it does, no doubt I'll be living my life very quietly, patiently labouring until it arrives.