Before I start, I'd like to take a few moments to comment on the recent death of Michael Jackson; Stop clogging up all the newspapers. These last two weeks, I haven't been able to open my eyes without seeing headlines and tributes and all manner of mentions towards MJ's demise. Now I'm not a cold-hearted man, I'm not going to say I'm glad he's dead, regardless of all the things he may have done in his life that weren't exactly above board. I am, however, a man who knows about how far people can push things until they exceed the limit; the MJ cashcow should've dried up days ago, yet still we're being subjected to conspiracy theories, Facebook fan pages, 10-page pullouts and, of course, the obligatory but rapidly tiresome jokes. Too many bandwagons spoil the journey, and there must be a whole lot of bandwagons in this case, what with the millions of people that seem to be jumping onto them.
Farrah Fawcett didn't have this much attention drawn to her death. Billy Mays and Molly Sugden practically went unheeded when they bit the dust, save for the odd quarter-page newspaper tribute and occasional pub quiz question, so why should Michael Jackson get so much attention? He was clearly a gifted singer and dancer, and it's no secret that his music is loved and praised all over the world, but people could argue that Farrah Fawcett and Molly Sugden did the same thing with television, or Billy Mays contributed the same amount to the world of shouting at people to buy gimmicky products. But as these others are brushed off as yesterday's news, MJ is still pilfering the headlines of every newspaper and magazine from here to the horizon. Why? Because he was a freak, that's why.
If Michael Jackson was simply a talented musician, people would have mourned him for a day and then carried on with the rest of their own lives, but because he was so widely renowned for being insane, his legacy continues in the form of constant news stories. I admit that his father is to blame by thrusting him into the limelight at such a young age, and I agree with other people that suggest the whole business of inviting children to Neverland for sleepovers was his attempt to live out the childhood he never had, but the point remains that, because of all this, people knew he was mentally challenged. What kind of healthy person would call their child Blanket and proceed to dangle them over a balcony? None, normal people don't do that, which is why normal people don't get news coverage, even upon their death.
We're a nation of people that love a good freak show. Why else would Big Brother still be going after all these years? It certainly isn't for the intelligent conversation that goes on inside the house; it's because British people think "Hey, this year's lot are a bunch of weirdos, I hope they do something hilariously stupid like kill each other!" Reality TV is a horrible concoction, but nobody can deny that it brings in the freaks and viewers alike. Millions of people watched the X-Factor final last year, but that's because they actually cared who won. Millions more people watched the first auditions because that's when they show all the lunatics that were allowed through the two previous, untelevised auditions because of the entertainment value. I've an idea for a new slogan the British Tourist Board can use to describe our culture - Britons Love Cretins.
It isn't just freaky people we love either, it's freak weather. Sudden rainstorms, heatwaves, cold snaps, floods, miniscule earthquakes, once they arrive on the scene, the press is sure to follow. One of the Entertainment headlines on the BBC main page is "Potter stars drenched at premier", which was also a story in some of the celebrity spreads in the national papers today. The gist of the story, as you can imagine, was that something utterly drole happened, but it's "news" because it happened to famous people AND involved freak weather. Double the entertainment value, clearly.
The story, in full might I add, is that it rained at the premier of the new Harry Potter film. Some of the stars got wet, while Emma Watson stayed in her limo until someone brought her an umbrella. She was even judged as a spoil-sport for such an action! Imagine, wanting to stay dry rather than walk out in the rain! What a bitch!
I am, of course, being sarcastic, and I hope the editors of said papers were too when they said this story was a good idea, because it isn't. So what if the Harry Potter stars got wet in the rain yesterday? I got wet in the rain yesterday as well, but you don't see a full-page spread in my local paper about that. But that's because I'm not a celebrity. We all seem to have this fascination with celebrities as being in the upper echelons of humanity, and we admire and fawn over their lives even though they're quite similar to our own, save for their job (if they have one) and how much money they have. Just because they have £50 in their wallet instead of £5 doesn't mean the fish and chips they're eating is any more interesting than the fish and chips everyone else is eating, so it's time to put a stop to this nonsense and start talking about actual news, rather than made up news.
And speaking of actual news, I heard something about Michael Jackson the other day.....
Until next time, my z-list celebrities, ta raa!
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